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(no subject) [Jan. 18th, 2006|06:35 pm]
[mood |exhaustedexhausted]
[music |rock]

exhausted. god i hate it. i get another 2 shift's now i get to work on mondays wed, and thursdays and sudays, and then whenever else they decide to throw me in. i'm like totally burt out. meh. i need sleep, and food, and a fucking vacation, away from EVERYTHING!! i did start mai acting 1 class and that made me happy, i love mai acting classes. always. meh, w/e. mai head hurts, i'm trying to loose weight again, but it's not working very well for me. i'm just getting bruises on mai ribs and legs and shit

omg i feel happy now! this bitch called me and said he was representing the state calling people and asking if they think that straight marrage should be the only right way and what not, you could tell they were totally for a guy and a girl, but i said no, and kinda laughed in there faces, and what makes it even better is that they called mai work lmfao. that's right i support love marraige, who cares if at least they love one another!

yea that made me feel better about maiself cuz they were like "...oh, so you think straight marriage isn't the only right way, you support gay marriage?" i'm like hell yea bitch, but i didn't say it to that extent.

mai myspace is confuseing and i'm really tired, and i miss lj! <33
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(no subject) [Jan. 11th, 2006|07:07 pm]
[mood |accomplishedstudying]
[music |adam sandler]

wow i havent updated this in a while. lmao that's what i get for getting a myspace. School totally sux at the moment. Finals are hell. i wont sleep. i can't i have tooo much studying to do, and especially tonight. i really need to study for mai theatre and soc finals. i think they may be mai hardest ones. i can't wait till friday, at least i think so. lmao. w/e. I'm exhausted, but coffee is slowly waking me up.. not really. Vito called me, that made me happy. i miss him. but i really have nothing else to say at the moment.
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(no subject) [Dec. 22nd, 2005|04:51 pm]
[mood |crushedmeh]
[music |bon jovi- have a nice day]

i love mai live journal... but now i have a myspace too.. it's pretty cool, someones gotta help me wit the tech shit but it's cool. yea so mai sisters on her way to North Dakota today... she liked the gift i got her, i was happy.. she woke me up at 8:30 in the morning though! that was mean, i couldn't fall back asleep.. i'm exhausted, i'm really glad i get to start mai personal break tomorrow lole, then i can do mai homework, god knows how much i have. project, paper, studying. i'm going to die the day finals come.

i don't know what's wrong but i'm really upset, depressed latley and it sux... maybe it's cuz people don't call me ne more, or maybe it's cuz when they do they get mad at me, or some shit happens... idk some people really piss me off... i hate it.

i got to clean today... that wasn't fun, and now i'm at work... obviously, but hey i got good news, first i'm buying mai brothers christmass present today.. mai mother finally decided to take me. and i'm also happy cuz me and Kyle are the only ones working today, and john i think, but he's comming in later, i love them!!! lole. yea...

i need to go to the mall soon, i need more freaken money... i fucking hate rich people who can afford every fucking thing they want, bitches.

we're going down to Alabama, i'm gettin mai car.. i hope... eithor way we know some really hot guys there, and i'm commin back with a tan? maybe lmao enough of this white shit. wow i love warmth... hopefully we're staying wit Karen.. she's cool... although she thinks i tried to kill maiself last time i went down there, i asked her for some pills to make me feel better and took a bit to many... didn't hurt maiself in the least was amazing, idk why i can take hundreds of pills and nothing will fucking happen, okay so a hundred. w/e. idfc.

i think i'm gunna try and get everything done tomorrowm i'll stay up all night and sleep all through the day... it works.

nanka's comming over tomorrow... thas cool, we always have fun lmao, like seriously we can find something to do with nothing there... lmao it's funny, i'm glad we're friends! but she's comming over so we can study together, she needs help with her chem stuff, and so do i so i think we can help each other lmao but it's cool. i love bon jovi lole.he's sooo ooold, meh, he's cool like that. well i think imma go, enough updating for today.
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(no subject) [Dec. 15th, 2005|04:49 pm]
yea so it's been really hectic, 2 days at a time with no sleep then way to much sleep the following day, it's crazy, but then again it's life. whatever. so i got the curtain call cd by eminem, i love it, love all the songs! he's mai baby. and then i got the avenged severfold cd. but yea so it's cool. i've had a lot of homework and now i have close to none, when i get home i have to find mai skit but it's cool. so yea, i am watching a bugs life in mai sociology class, it rocks. I'm really gunna miss mr. posegay, he's only the best teacher ever!! and yea, meh, so i'm at work and the phone is rining and it's pissing me off, oh well it's work. i get to design costumes!!! i'm excited. i can't wait to put mai idea's on paper! lmao w/e. i'm bored and i don't really feel like updating...
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(no subject) [Dec. 8th, 2005|06:10 pm]
[mood |weirdintense]
[music |photograph- nickelback]

omg work is crazy today, i can't a break. the phone is ringing off the hook, and it sux. omg i have so much homework i have to do today, and so much studying, i think i'm going to die. oh well. w/e i don't think i'm going to sleep tonight. i have to work a lot this weekend, saturday from 12-5 then babysitting from 5:30 to whenever, i don't care i love babysitting for rhi!!! she's awesome! it's fun. omg this lady came up asking for more chairs, and a long table and i didn't know where they were or how to set them up by maiself, i mean common i'm not strong, so i go in and ask kyle where john is and kyle says johns not here yet so i ask him where the tables and chairs are and he helps me set em up, actually i might have moved 4 chairs while he moved the table and another 6 chairs! omg he's awesome. and ohhh so hot. we talked for a lil bit then i said thanx and came back to the office.

i can't believe it's snowing so much, omg it's crazy, seriously. i love snow, when it's fresh and white i hate it when it turns to slush and brown ucky snow is it then. Yea so i had to walk home today in this weather, i couldn't see in front of me at all, it was crazy, there was so much snow and it was so friggen cold. ugh i hate the cold. oh well. Yea so i have a test tomorrow for geometry and i really wanna do good on it, i really hope i do, i'm going to study a lot i have to do better in that class it's killing me, and for american studies that class is really killing me. we only have 12 days left in the semester and that makes me really sad, that means im going to need to leave sociology and that's mai favorite class ever! i don't want to leave it! but then i have psych, idk i hope i'll like that class. meh. We have no food in our house nemore, literally.. no food, i come home everyday to an empty fridge for gods sakes, and it's killing me, i'm starving. Yay some guy just called me, and might i say he had a really hot voice, and he told me that mai phone was ready and fixed and that makes me really happy!!!! i get mai phone back, i really hope that i still have all mai pictures on it. i like the pact that the building quieted down.

today has been a really long day, when i was on the phone with myra, actually when i put her on hold, i rean to the office (to get back here from the copy room) and i ran into a door, it really hurt, i told myra and she's like "owww" and i'm like, sokay happens all the time lole. well it does. i need to call her back, actually i allready did she just didn't answer. oh well this time i left her a message. i need to e-mail people. Don't you hate it how people come into your life,and then they leave sooo fucking fast... ? i hate it, pisses me off, oh well tomorrow i decided to go to the glenstock with myra and some dude. is cool. hopefully we'll have a good time.

yea so i really wanna go to the mall, but this weekend i am packed with working, and i don't have ne money left so i was thinking if you can myra, next weekend? i'll have money then too! not much probably but hey it'll be something right? thas mai thought on it. and i wont have so much work nemore, actually i think i have that saturday off i dont think i'm working for steph that day. ooo im listening to this one song on the mix and i like it! yay, i love the music i like! lole, yea so tomorrows gunna be a really long day, please wish me luck on mai scene, i NEED to do good, if i don't i will hate maiself even more than i do allready! tomorrow i have to look semi decent cuz mai skit is gunna be filmed, omg i'm so nervous. oh well i'll get over it sooner er later. yea so it's still snowing, and it's really weird, seems like it's gunna go on forever. but yea, so i think i am going to see Rent with Roger sometime, that will be fun, i love the movie and i miss Roger! lole i haven't really talked to him in forever, well like really talked ya know. meh. so today is the 8th. mai finger is still really messed up where i spilled the acid. ugh it's so annoying i hate it. I MISS CASEY!!!! i love you casey!!!

Thyme is cool.

i saw sarah today, she's sooo pretty! lole, meh, i like being able to go into the 'employee's only' place, it makes me feel special! i think i should buy that coffee soon, mai head hurts... there's a blushing snowman staring at me... aww how cute, i love it. ugh i'm bored. i wrote myra a note today, rei wasn't in school today and neithor was annancka, i wonder where they were? hmmmm idk. hope everythings okay! theres a monkey sitting in a watering can that says Thyme, and every time i come here i see it and it's weird. i think i should try to call rei later, i think i will. according to mai work schedual i only have an hour left, according to mai schedual, i have an hour and 15 mins left lole, i need to get paid, like really badly, i really hope i get a raise soon, i need one, i'm dying with only being paid this much money. i can't wait till i get mai car, it'll be mine and all mine! yay! so rescue rick is still scaring me. i hate comericials, yet i want to be in them lole. mai back hurts really bad, people carry stress in there backs but the place they carry it most is in their hands and feet. yep i learned that! i forgt where... but i did.

i can't beilieve cheerleading is still going on today, how can people get here in this weather? omg i love this song!! photograph! i love nickelback... huge fan, i have to find mai keys tonight. mai sisters been on mai case since forever about it. wow theres a man outside with a snowblower and it's really creepy. oh well is cool. people are really pissing me off latley and i hate it, it's soooo annoying, and theres some people i don't really like that are really annoying me... w/e. life goes on. i need to check mai e-mail, then again i don't really wanna, yes i do... no i don't... ugh w/e

I MISS TALKING TO AMANDA!!!! your only the coolest person ever, mai idol!!! lole yep, so how've you been? hope alls well, i still need to e-mail you! lole i will, i really wanna. i really do miss talking to you though, your awesome<333
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(no subject) [Dec. 1st, 2005|05:59 pm]
[mood |confusedconfused]
[music |avenged sevenfold- Bat country]

omg yesterday was a horriblely sad day, until the end, i swear mai soc teacher is the only one who likes me, at least he's happy when i come back from being sick, everyone else is just like, well... bitchy. oh well i don't care. so yea today has been hectic, and tomorrow will be even more so during school, i believe i failed a test today, which sux. oh well. w/e. i need a myspace! someone has to help me get one lole, even though i think they're way lamer than lj. i love mai lj it's mai home!! and i'll never leave it! lole, i met mai boss Mary for the first time, she's nice, i like her. wow today has been a really long day, im here for 2 more hours.

i wonder where John is, havent seen him yet today.. speaking of the devil, he walks up just as i typed that sentence lole.

mai knee hurts, i just hit it. i am still really sad that i can't find mai notebook anywhere, it had mai stuff in it and now i'm gunna cry. omg i need to go to the mall i'm seriously gunna cry if i never see Vito again, i miss him soooo much!!! wow. you'd never believe. it's been like 3 months... and it makes me really sad. i miss him sooooooo incredibally much. wow, i'm gunna cry. i hate this. i'm so confused latley, so many things are going on, with friends, with me.. i hate mai mother, i don't wanna move, i don't want rodney to go away for 3 weeks, do you have any idea what kind of hell that would be?! wow. mai mother wouldn't get off mai case for anything, make me clean... do everything, it's really gunna suck... right now she's sick so she really can't do anything about it. i really really need to focus more on mai studies, im really stressing over it. i need to get all A's and B's. i will push maiself to the max with studying, and everything. i have to, theres no other way, this is mai jr year, i need to do good.

i made mai video for soc. thanx to the people who have helped me with that.

i'm really upset at the moment and i have no idea why... this really sux... mai head hurts and i really have to do stuff... i wrote a poem.. and it's very.. well.. very. i think i'm gunna get an adress on a website that i'm not gunna post here cuz i don't want it getting big. i like it small, and i love it there, it's also like mai home. Prims gone... it's sad. i went to borders with mai sister yesterday... i got two books, i think i'll like em, i hope so... they sound pretty good. im gunna read friction first after i read this book for school that is of course, we're starting a book for school.

omg i love this song!

lole, yea so, i hate it when people come in and i can't help them. it sux. oh well, i've only got an hour and a half left. then i can go home, study and sleep, god i need to sleep, i don't know why i'm always so exhausted latley, and i'm really sad cuz i can't try out for the play, i would of had to be at the audition workshop they held today but i couldn't go cuz i had to work, and i really wanted to audition. god i really need another job, no i don't want one, but i need one. i need more money, i have to pay for so much.. but hey i can't wait till i get mai car. i need mai car!! i want a jeep or a truck or a grand am or a mustang! lole i can't wait, hey a cars a car, and it'll be MINE! all mine, and i'll be able to drive it all the time, and yea, i can be able to relax knowing i can get from place to place and get there on time cuz i wont have to depend on mai mother or mai sister.

then of course i would need to drive mai friends around. wow me and myra are gunna go driving! lole we better, and i'll be able to see her a lot more, if she promises to help me with mai homework, cuz god knows i really need help with it. i have 3 tests tomorrow actually, i thought i had two but i forgot i was takng 2 in one class period, im really sad now. ugh i can't do it. i'm too stupid for that! ugh.

i can't wait until tomorrow, i NEED another day off. like i was sick for a while, had a long break, came back to school to feel like SHHIIIIIT once again... omfg it pisses me off sooo bad sometimes, i hate a lotta the people i go to school with. but i don't wanna move. i have to call myra soon. some of this music is okay, except for this song, it's too happy... oh well. it's weird songs are like that sometimes. i hate rescue rick... i'm really confused.. like i keep thinking about this one thing and it makes me really really confused, and omg it pisses me off, oh yay im vibrating, it's rei! yay, okay well i think i'mma go i've been talking of nonsense since forever, and it's annoying me now too.

i miss amanda :/ she's only the coolest person EVER!!! <33

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(no subject) [Nov. 26th, 2005|09:21 am]
yea so today i'm working another looong day, 9 hours i believe, then tomorrow im working 5 hours, so that's not so bad. i hope the don't screw up mai check this time, they didn't last time which is good but still. meh. i went to hot topic yesterday and bought some really neat clothes an shit, then pac sun bought stuff i was happy, i even bought myra a gift for x-mass, i hope her dad lets her keep it!!! yea so thanxgiving was rather... fulfilling, we ate a lot, and i served, omg i really faced mai fears. more on that later

so monday im dreading going back to school, i wanna go to starbucks right now, i need mai coffee. but yea. uhm so, i just had a great idea but im not gunna say it in here. omg it's so perfect. wow im a genious.

neways, aww the cutest little girl just walked outa here, and this guy is freaking me out, when i get home from here i think i'mma take another shower before i go to the boathouse, or at least do something worth while. mai house is freezing lole, i played DDR yesterday, i hate waking up early, yet again i have to, had ta today and have to tomorrow, then till saturday, christmass is comming, i got mai sister something i think she's really gunna like, and imma get her other ones too.. im not going to say what just in case by any chance someone reads this.

i'm subbing for Sandy today.

i can't wait till i go to the mall again, yet this time i wanna go to mai haven stratford rather than yorktown, yorktown doesnt even have a Zumiez, ok so i can't spell, but hey i love the store!! Pac bucks are back, i'm thinkin of blowin mai next check there then gettin 50 in return for spendin 100. i love having money, and i love buying mai own clothes of course it is expensive, i still love it, i get what i want then and i can go by maiself therefore mai mother wont tell me "that's to expensive, put it back." i'll go wit mai friends instead. i need to find the calendar for here, it tells me what classes are going on.. meh i'll find it sooner or later, preferably sooner.

i read more of the book that's not mine, it's getting really interesting, i'm really starting to like it. it's a lot more interesting than i thought it would be. i brought an old magazine in case i got bored for the fitness center but instead i read until i had to come here to the office. But yea so tomorrow better be a good day, hell today better be a good day. imma call someone, and ask them to drive me somewhere when i get off of work, or call them and see if they wanna come to mai work with me later when i'm working at the boathouse.
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(no subject) [Nov. 23rd, 2005|04:53 pm]
[mood |accomplishedto much to do]
[music |We be burnin- sean paul]

omg things are so fucking hectic, i don't ever get a fucking BREAK! god, i had to work a helluva lot today, cleaned mai grandma's house for 50 bucks, so not worth it, and now i'm at work, the office, and after this i have to go to the fitness center and work there, and tomorrow i might have to work, but for sure i have to serve food to the homeless people in church tomorrow, ugh, too much, then i better be able to hang wit myra on friday, please! i'm begging you, and it would have to be earlier because i have to work an hour from 6-7 for the boathouse, i get to see a wedding. ugh so sappy, meh w/e i really wanna go to the mall and get mai project started and be at mai safe haven! lmao. kids are running around and it's annoying! w/e. saterday i have a long day have to work from 8 in the morning till 5. torture, but hey, it's cash, and thas what i need!! lole, seriously, i'm working a lot this break, thus meaning i never get a fucking break. ugh

i talked to Tami, i miss her!!! i would have hung out with her if i didn't have to work here, i miss you! i miss amanda!! omg i miss talking to you sooo much! your awesome!!

yea so i went and saw Pippin twice really with myra and myra and rei i loooooved it, some people were bitchy about it and thas just not cool. i lost mai notebook and i'm seriously gunna cry, i hate myself for losing it :( i had everything in there including two of mai poems, omg tomorrows thanxgiving. wow things are comming too fast, i just got the sean paul cd, and next is gunna be daddy yankee and seether good mix eh? i think so lole, i didn't go to school today, had to do other stuff that i needed to get done, and now im gunna be cleaning mai grandmas house once a week, hey it's more money, and sooner getting mai car! although i do have to scrubb the floors. ugh. this is really annoying. i missed stuff today, im glad i missed mai math test but im upset about missing mai theatre and soc classes i love those classes sooo much lole as funny as that might sound, hey their cool classes.

Prims here! Jen and Prim are happy when they're together, i miss it, i really do, i wish everything would be back to normal, with everything, i just got mai phone turned in and now have a loaner phone for 8 weeks, hey at least it works right? i really hope myra can go to the mall on friday, i need to get out, and NOW!!!get out before a huge day of work then maybe we can hang on sunday after mai work to do something or other, because i really need to get out. i hate it.

rescue rick is scaring me....

i'm listening to the mix it's what i always listen to when i'm here, they always have this station left on. and i like it, everytime i'm here i listen to the songs i love!! it's cool, one more hour till i have to switch and work over at the fitness center, im glad i brought a magazine, i would be bored outa mai mind. well imma go print some stuff
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GRAPHIC [Nov. 17th, 2005|04:55 pm]
[mood |depresseddepressed]
[music |Techno logic]

Yea so i really have to study for a huge test tomorrow, but what do i have to do... work! i don't want to work when i have to study for a huge test, im taking a break.. i actually have stuff to do, which kinda sux. looks like no sleep for Becky again. meh oh well, at least i'll be ready to go tomorrow. w/e. yea so im like a totally different person now... i went to the sadest place ever...besides home. we had this feild trip in Chicago where we got to see pictures of lynchings, and it was horrible. i was speechless, felt sooo sick, and i never feel sick. it's shocking.. there was this story about a guy they were burning, before they burned him they cut off his ears, then chained him hanging from a tree and when he tried to climb up the chain they cut his fingers off the kinda dipped him in and out of the fire, the most torturous death they could have done.

so many stories, so many images...

well yea, i just messed up at work, i registered someone when i wasn't suposed ta, oh well Jannis helped me out there. I'm extremely tired, but i cannot sleep, which sux. Mai hand hurts. Mai english teacher didn't like mai paper :( i hate that all mai teachers love mai papers except mai english teachers, i got a horrible grade on it. it made me really upset, i was sad i really tried on that paper... it was 3 pages in front 10 for god sakes and what do i get a fuckin D! bitches. oh well, theres always next time.

well tomorrow i'm gunna be dead, but im going to get mai check! i need to hang out with myra this weekend, i didnt give her money to buy the ticket for me today... mai mom got us to school late, she was stalling and them blaming it on me like she always does. i love mai soc teacher... next symester is gunna be hell, this semester is hell, i wish it would end... i wanna see rent really bad, i think it looks cool. Rei was sick today, i hope you get better <3 mai wrists hurt. latley when i do go to sleep i cannot wake up in the mornings, i can, but im just soooo tired lately, and a lot of times i can't sleep, i tried going to sleep at 11 last night, but it didn't work i was staring at mai ceiling forever, went to sleep around 1.

i don't know what to do for christmass shopping, i wont have money i have to pay for mai phone that im not allowed to use, and even if i were it doesnt even work, i have to pay for clothes, and god knows i need some knew clothes, and i have to give mai mother 100 dollars a month when i get mai car, which hopefully will be soon but i wish i didn't have to pay for everything, it's like she's starting me out for paying rent... it sux. and i've been working so much i'm just glad when i get days off, then mai mother has to ruin that for me to by making me clean, 5 loads a laundry a day she says, i get home at fucking 3, i have a shitload a homework, sometimes i have to work, do you really think i'm up to doing chores?! god she pisses me off so badley.

i wonder when Rodney's comming back

i had portillo's for lunch today, i like it but i wish i went with mai gut feeling and didnt eat it, i feel like imma through up, mostly from remembering... man it was scarey, i'll never forget those images..
bodies burnt to the crist, bodies hanging from trees, the torture, the pain, for whites and for blacks..it was horrifying.. i wrote in the book there. left a response... god it's so depressing... ugh.

i talked to Marshall the other day, i miss him, and i really miss Vito :( why did he stop calling me, and why without notice, why so fast, i loved him, and i can truely say that. i still love him. im just afraid to call because i only know his dads number and i don't want to bother him or nething. i really miss him, i cry before i go to bed, i think about him every night, about how he saved my life, and is breaking mai heart... i love you Vito!! i wish i could see him again, just see him.. that's why i always have this constant urge to go to the mall all the time, i mean i love the place and i love hanging out with myra, but his presence is there.. i can feel it, and his friends are there, and the best memories i have EVER experianced are there, with him. man i'm gunna start to cry again, i can't do that at work... i'm sorry... all i gotta tell maiself is he's still there, somewhere, and i'm sure he'd still be there for me when i need him, he's always been, love ya's :'(
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(no subject) [Nov. 8th, 2005|01:12 pm]
[mood |anxiousanxious]
[music |dynamite- ima robat]

yea so im not gunna be here, in school, tomorrow. Im going on a fieldtrip!! i have to write a paper for mai soc class, im taing a test on fridsy. im weird.. i keep spelling words wrong, im not suposed to be here still im suposed to get home right after school. I'm tired... and bored, and i kinda want to start going home, because its cold and id rather start walking now than when it gets colder, oh i take that back rei's gunna give me a ride!!! yay! im excited. and i have to pee, but i wont.. i don't feel like it. umm yea so i can't believe it snowed today, i HATE snow, that means coldness lole. meh w/e i have a lot of homework and studying to do tonight. i wanna go horsebackriding, that's ride i wanna ride charley, or scar, or shilow yay! girl horses are bitches. w/e, im pale! yay. umm yea so class was fun... in soc, i love soc. i'm a sock. hold on a secs... lmao, okay yea so im bored, w/e i love mai background! yay!

i miss boondocksaints. best movie ever!!! mai teacher even saw it. yea thats right. mr. guy. (i dont know his last name, i call him teacher.) and then a paroll person asked me mai name today he's the only one that remembers mai name! i say hi and he says "Hi Becky" lole, it's funny to me... ummm so yea, if i started walking home now i would be there in 7 minutes. i hate these keyboards. omg its a docter.

yes i need financial aid.

spark notes has a thing. im bored and i see pictures. um so, well i like france, not really, they hate us so why love the people who hate me, that means i hate a lotta ppl lole

this is what happens when im bored

Bush is in a secret society!!
shut up the loser kerry was too, the same one!

that musta been torture...
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